direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
