well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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