I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
