No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
