Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
