I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
