she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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