Plan B is the new Plan A
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
you made out with another girl for some wings
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
