are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
