We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
