my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
