I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
