VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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