I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
