seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
