Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
