Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
