I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
