I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
