Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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