I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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