bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
