Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I faked an abortion last night.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
