I only kidnapped one of them. chill
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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