You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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