He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
