If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
