I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
