you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
