You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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