It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
