Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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