Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
