Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
