I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
