I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
