So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
now i know why i became what i already was.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
