if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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