the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
