she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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