I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
