And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
