I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
