should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
