Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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