There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
