Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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