Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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