fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
