Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
