I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
