I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
