Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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