its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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