if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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